Pens In Unison

World Peace

         

           Merida stared at the jewel-encrusted object in her hand. This was a thing of legend. By mere chance, she had stumbled across this lamp. She felt no oil inside, yet the wick was lit, burning eternally. Alone in the dark cave, she rubbed the dust off its solid gold surface. The flame blew itself out. Smoke poured from the lamp, filling the wet, stone room. After a few moments, the smoke pulled together into one spot, and from it appeared a man. He was dressed in Arabic clothing, with a turban on his head. His skin had an odd purple hue. With his arms crossed over his chest, he spoke.

          “You have found my lamp and summoned me.” The genie said, “You may have but one wish.”

          Merida had read of genies in the past. She knew a greedy wish would only turn out badly. Her thoughts flew to the wars that plagued her land. She figured she could use this wish to benefit everyone.

          “I wish for world peace.” She said at last.

          The genie smirked, the rest of his body remaining perfectly still. He said “Your wish is granted. Your world will be at peace in seven days.” Taking the lamp with him, the genie vanished.

          Merida returned to her town of Warshire, telling the tale of her encounter with the genie. The very next day, however, things went wrong. Random people began to die. The perfectly healthy would simply drop dead.

          The great castle standing atop a hill, looking over the town, sent some of its residents to investigate. Tales of these revered warriors have been told for generations, if anyone was capable of fixing this, it was them.

          Merida heard a knock on the door of her house. She knew it must be the members of the order coming to question her. When she opened the door, however, they weren’t how she had imagined. Instead of great knights in shining armor, it was a young woman in a robe, and a young man with a sword on his belt. Nothing special.

          “I’m Melody and this is Jason.” She said “We’re here to ask you about the genie.”

          Merida retold the story to them, Melody listening intently, while Jason picked his teeth. Melody asked her to describe the genie, after which she flipped through a book she had carried in with her.

          “Was this him?” She asked, showing her a picture in the book.

          “Yes… that was him.” Merida replied nervously.

          “He is a very tricky one,” Melody sighed to herself, “and was that all that was said, word for word?”

          “Mhm”

          She turned to Jason, “It looks like he twisted the wish, which must be the cause of all of this.”

          “But she wished for world peace.” Jason said “People dying is not peaceful.”

          “Maybe not by your definition,” she said, “but to the genie, the world would be peaceful without people. Humans tend to be the ones who start wars.”

          Jason resumed picking his teeth.

          “We have six days!” Melody exclaimed, “Start helping!”

          “How?” he said uncaringly, “what can we possibly do?”

          “We’re the protagonists! We’ll figure something out!” Melody mistakenly exclaimed. “Mistakenly?” She confusedly read the previous line, “Are we not the protagonists anymore?”

          While it was true that Melody and Jason were protagonists, the main protagonist of this story was Merida, who started and must finish this plot.

          “Well, shit.” Melody said, “We’ll have to bring you with us.”

          “wh-what?” Merida wasn’t sure what was happening. Melody seemed to be talking to an unknown entity, and this talk of protagonists gave the impression that she thought this was all just a fictional story.

          “It is a fictional story.” Melody said

          “How did you know what I was thinking?” Merida said in shock.

          “It was narrated.” she sighed “Look, we don’t have time for this; we need to go to the library.”

          The trio headed over to the town library and searched desperately for a solution to this problem. After several hours, Melody woke the other two, who had each fallen asleep in a book.

          “I found something!” Melody exclaimed. “If we can trap the genie in another lamp, we can bend his will and force him to reverse his wish!”

          “Uh, cool,” Jason said drowsily, “and how do we do that?”

          “Well, first we need an oil lamp made from only the purest materials.”

          “Oh, nice. I think I saw one of those at the ninety-nine copper store.” Jason sarcastically replied.

          “Very funny.” Melody retorted. “Let’s go tell Fawkes the news.”

          “Ugh,” Jason whined “do we have to?”

          They then left the library to find Fawkes, who had been investigating a different possible cause of the deaths.

          “It was definitely the genie.” Melody told Fawkes, then caught him up on the details.

          “There’s plenty of gold and jewels in the castle vault.” Fawkes said, “I’ll go get some and have the lamp made.”

          The lamp was made carefully, but with great haste. The day ended and everyone tried to get some sleep. They awoke the next day with a new surprise. The crops had died overnight, food was scarce. Fawkes brought the new lamp.

          “Now we need a wizard.” Melody said “I hear there’s one who lives alone in the forest.”

          “Great, let’s go!” Fawkes cried.

          “A bit quick, isn’t it?” Jason said, “Shouldn’t we prepare a bit before-”

          “No time!” Melody interrupted, and they hurried off. After a few moments, Melody returned and dragged Merida along. “We almost forgot to bring the protagonist.”

          After a few hours, they found the wizard’s hut. The sound of humming echoed from inside. Melody knocked on the door. “Hello? We’re looking for a wizard.” The humming stopped. When the door opened, Melody saw a frail old man wearing blue robes, and hunched over a walking stick. He had a long beard that curled at the end, and messy white hair. He had a conical hat on his head with the images of stars and moons, which bent in several places. He had glasses and big, bushy eyebrows.

          “I am the wizard Wyrmak.” He said. “What is it you need?”

          “We need you to cast a genie-trapping spell.”

          “A genie-trapping spell? Now there’s something I haven’t done in ages.” He was lost in memory for a moment, but then snapped out of it. “Come in, come in.” He said.

          When they entered the wizard’s house, they could see shelves of various potions and ingredients. A ruined anvil sat in the corner. Alchemical instruments were strewn out on a table with an array of various herbs. An owl sat perched by the window, which was wide open. There was a cauldron bubbling in the fireplace.

          “A spell like this will take a week or so to prepare.” Wyrmak mumbled.

          “A week!?” Melody exclaimed.

          “or so” he added “luckily, I had a prophecy a week or so ago.”

“When the genie is released

He’ll rain death from the sky

Unless you trap him in a lamp

When the great river runs by”

          “The great river?” Merida asked, “There’s no river near here.”

          “Never mind that now.” The wizard snapped “The important part is the spell. Do you have the lamp?”

          Fawkes presented the golden, jewel-encrusted lamp.

          “Ah, good.” Said Wyrmak, taking the lamp. Then, to everyone’s alarm, he tossed it carelessly into his cauldron. He then removed the cauldron from the fire and began to toss herbs into it and wave wands over it, all while reading an incantation out of a book. When he finished, the black liquid in the cauldron shrunk down until it was completely absorbed into the lamp. The lamp now had an eerie glow. The wizard lifted it and handed it back to Fawkes. He then turned to Merida.

          “Take us to the cave in which you found it.” He said. The group then travelled to the cave, which turned out to be a three-day journey because of how often Jason got them all lost.

          “Well, it wasn’t all his fault.” Melody said, despite the fact that I am the writer of this story and I decide what happens. “I’m going to rebel one day” Said the next Jason. “Okay, okay, I’m only kidding.” She said nervously, realizing I can kill her off at any time. “Just one question, though, didn’t you kill Jason off last time?” She was right, of course. Jason did, in fact, die at the end of the first story, but that doesn’t stop me.

          Once at the cave, the wizard drew a large magical circle on the ground and placed the lamp at the center. He began to chant, the wind howled outside. Suddenly, a woman in a suit of plate mail armor ran past the mouth of the cave. They were going to investigate, but the genie suddenly appeared above the lamp.

          “You, boy!” The wizard said to Jason, “Stand in front of me!”

          “Who, me?” Jason asked.

          “No, the other disposable character.” He sarcastically replied.

          Jason reluctantly walked in front of the wizard just as the genie lunged forward in an attempt to stop the spell. He grabbed hold of Jason and ripped him in half. Fawkes swung his sword and pushed the genie back. Melody threw up a wall of fire. Merida kinda just sat there, feeling awkward. The wizard completed the spell, and the genie was sucked into the lamp. The wick lit itself. Wyrmak lifted the lamp and commanded the genie to reverse the wish.

          The group returned to Warshire. The lamp was hidden well. Nobody wondered what happened to Jason, nobody ever buried his pieces, and no one ever cared. The End.

 

 

The Fabulous Tabasco Man

          ‘Twas a rainy day. Sebastian Jones sat in a rundown café. His life had taken a turn for the worse and he was washing down his depression with the various bottles of alcohol he just carried in from the liquor store next door. The bottles were scattered across the table, half of them emptied, along with an empty bottle of Tabasco sauce.

          It was late; a waitress approached Sebastian and said, “Sorry, sir, we’re closing up now.”

          Sebastian drunkenly gathered the bottles and stumbled to his car. The tank had just barely enough gasoline to get home, and he didn’t have the money to buy any more. The streets were clear of cars, which was convenient, as he was swerving all over the road. He then managed to drive straight, but could hardly see through the rain pouring on his windshield. Stupidly, he reached for the bottles that he had dropped on the passenger seat. He took a drink, but to his great surprise, he had grabbed the bottle of Tabasco sauce from the café. His car swerved uncontrollably and crashed into a pole. The bottle of Tabasco sauce was lodged into his throat, and he was rendered unconscious.

          Sebastian awoke in a hospital bed. He was bandaged in various places, and his head ached. He looked around. The room was dull, with a small television hanging on the wall near his bed. No other people were there. Sebastian looked to the window, but the blinds were shut. Sunlight leaked through the edges, but the room was otherwise dark. Sebastian found a glass of water on the table beside him and took a drink. He saw a mirror on the table as well, so he picked it up and looked into it. His face seemed alright, aside from his broken nose, but what immediately caught his attention was the redness of his eyes. They were bloodshot, but more than that, his irises had changed colour. Once brown, his eyes were now red as blood. Suddenly, as he was looking intently, something squirted from his eyes and hit the mirror. Sebastian touched it with his finger, then put it to his tongue.

          It was Tabasco sauce.

 

          Sebastian was eventually released from the hospital, keeping his strange new ability a secret. At home, he perfected his skill of shooting Tabasco sauce from his eyes, which his body now seemed to naturally produce. One day, Sebastian had to go to the bank to close his account, for he had no income and was nearly out of money. While in line, a man suddenly put a ski mask on and pulled a gun from his pocket.

          Sebastian had never been in a situation like this before. The man told everyone to get on the floor. Instinctively, Sebastian walked up to the man and unleashed a fury of Tabasco sauce into the robber’s eyes. The robber dropped his gun and rubbed his eyes, screaming in pain. Sebastian did the same. While his eyes were able to shoot Tabasco sauce, they were not immune to its burn. Sebastian then blindly apprehended the thief, and awaited the police.

          That day, Sebastian realized the purpose for his power, he was meant to be a hero, to prevent crime in this city. He created a costume and went by the name of Tabasco Man!

          He lived for many years as the savior of the city, keeping crime down and never using his power for evil.

          A local shoe shop owner, however, had other ideas. Doctor Jefferson Sole, with his PhD in shoemaking, was an ambitious old man. He wanted to own the Earth, and have everyone on it bow before him. To do this, he would use his shoes. He was always tinkering and creating new kinds of shoes. Sometimes he would go too far.

          One day, Tabasco man noticed something strange. Nearly everyone in town had blank expressions. There was no sound of talking anywhere. The whole town seemed to be in a trance. Tabasco Man was confused. What could possibly cause such a phenomenon? Tabasco Man investigated, and noticed the only thing that everyone had in common was their shoes. He removed the shoes from the nearest victim, who seemed to be freed from his trance. Tabasco Man asked him where the shoes came from. The man told him of the shoe store down the street, which had released a popular new shoe. Tabasco Man told him to remove the shoes from the others, and then ran down the street to the shoe store. In the store was an old man with coarse, white hair down to his shoulders, though he was bald on the top. He wore round goggles and a white lab coat.

          “So, you’re the source of the disturbances across the city!” Tabasco Man exclaimed.

          “You’ll never stop me, it’s too late.” Said Dr. Sole.

          “I already have people removing your evil shoes from everyone in town!” said Tabasco Man triumphantly.

          “Do you, now?” Dr. Sole laughed mischievously as he pressed a big red button on his desk.

          Screams and the sound of marching echoed from the streets outside. It was clear that the people with the mind-controlling shoes on had killed all those without them. Dr. Sole had his own army.

          “You won’t get away with this!” shouted Tabasco Man as he charged at Dr. Sole, engaging him in combat. Tabasco Man threw the first punch, but Sole dodged it. Dr. Sole then hit Tabasco Man in the stomach, dealing two points of damage. Tabasco Man kicked Dr. Sole in the face, but Sole then broke a chair over his head. Finally, Tabasco Man grabbed Dr. Sole’s head, looked him in the eye, and fired his Tabasco sauce. Mutually blinded and crawling on the ground, the two adversaries were soon surrounded by Dr. Sole’s soldiers. They helped Dr. Sole to his feet and held Tabasco Man down.

          “It’s a shame you must die,” said Dr. Sole, “Someone with suck an ability would be the perfect partner to help me rule the world… kill him.”

          “Wait!” shouted Tabasco man before the minions could carry out the command, “That’s an option?”

          “What?” Dr. Sole seemed confused.

          “I can just change sides and rule the world?”

          “Well, er, I think” Dr. Sole stuttered.

          “I didn’t know I could do that, as the good guy and all.”

          For a few minutes, there was silence.

          “Well,” Tabasco man broke the silence, “I formally request to change sides.”

          “I accept your request” Said Dr. Sole.

          In a matter of days, Dr. Sole and Tabasco Man overthrew the world’s governments and became supreme dictators of the world. The two discovered their feelings towards each other and became gay super villain lovers. The world was in peace for many years, because of the mind control, and eventually fell into chaos when the dictators passed away and released the mind control. Afterwards, the world returned to normal and nothing interesting happened for a long time.

 

 

Melody & Jason

“Attempting to direct your actions by looking in a mirror is very disorienting.” Jason whispered to his ally as he crept backwards through a dark corridor.

“Don’t you complain!” hissed Melody, “At least you have a mirror!”

          You see, Melody and Jason are part of an organization designed to destroy monsters. Their current mission is to eradicate the king’s summer palace of the gorgon infestation. To explain further, the king’s summer palace has been empty for quite a while, because in this land, it never becomes summer. The king was so confused about why he even had a summer palace in the first place, but then forgot about his confusion when he learned of the gorgons, who found it to be the perfect location for their muffin factory. This brings us back to Melody and Jason. They were sent in with a group of ten knights, each of them is now a garden decoration, but beautiful garden decorations all the same.

          It wasn’t from any particular skill that Melody and Jason survived. In fact, it was their constant bickering that revealed the group’s presence in the first place. At the moment, the gorgons are minding their own business, as they don’t see a stumbling teenage boy and a blindfolded teenage girl as very much of a threat. This, of course, is a foolish assumption for the antagonist to make of the protagonist, because the protagonist usually wins. Melody, being a novice sorceress and an avid reader, has already realized that she and her comrade are the protagonists and continuously insists that they complete the mission.

          “Are you quite done?” Melody asked.

          “What do you mean?” Jason confusedly replied.

          “I’m not talking to you, idiot” she snapped.

          “Who could you POSSIBLY be talking to?” Jason forgot to whisper. “There’s nobody else in sight!”

          “I’m talking to the writer of this story, of course.” She sighed, fed up with his stupidity. “Why don’t you prove that we’re even fictional characters before you go about, calling me an idiot.”

          At this point, Melody was so annoyed by Jason’s stupidity that she wanted to kill him.

          “I’ll do nothing of the sort!” she exclaimed, “and even if I did, that would be a terrible way to write a main character off.”

          “If we are in a story,” The idiot managed to grunt, despite his tiny brain, “I do believe the writer is playing favorites.”

          At that moment, Jason noticed a gorgon’s reflection in the mirror.

          “Gorgon, one o’ clock!” shouted Jason as he ducked to the ground. Following the direction given by Jason, Melody blindly threw a volleyball-sized orb of fire at the gorgon. The gorgon (not being of much importance to the story) died fairly quickly, and without much of a fight. Eventually, the two inexplicably managed to reach the leader of the gorgons, and they’re now facing off against each other.

          “What makes you think that two little monster hunters can defeat an entire army of gorgons?” the leader hissed.

          Jason drew his sword, which was a rather unusual thing to do, seeing as a drawing of a sword is of no practical use in combat.

          After his drawing was finished, he signed his name at the bottom of the paper and unsheathed his blade.

          “We shall defeat you in the name of out fallen comrades!” he exclaimed, despite the fact that they had all already either died or fled.

          The walls were consumed in flame. Gorgon bodies burned on the floor. Jason, choking on the overwhelming smoke, felt a hand drag him out of the room. He found himself rushing through the corridor alongside Melody, just barely escaping through the open door, as the palace was pulled down upon itself from the beams and supports being broken by the crackling red flower of death.

          Jason was left speechless as he watched the blackened building become dust before him. Melody, on the other hand, was thoroughly satisfied and set for home straight away, not waiting for Jason, who hurried to catch up.

         

          “What do you mean, they’re all dead!?” exclaimed the leader of the Order of Creature Destruction, or OCD for short. Jason and Melody hesitated for a moment, intimidated by the two bulky body guards and the sheer size of the room.

          Melody swallowed her spit and said, “Th-the gorgons turned them all to stone, sir.” The leader sat silently for a moment, then spoke.

          “Fawkes,” he addressed the knight on his left, “take a team to the palace. Bring me confirmation of their deaths.” He turned to Melody, “and what of the gorgons?”

          “They’re gone, sir.” She replied quickly.

          “Dead?” he asked.

          “Mostly.” She said.

          “Well, then.” He said with a sigh. “In that case, the two of you will be promoted to class-A hunters.”

          Melody and Jason had a sudden aura of surprise and terror. They had just gone up five ranks, from class-B apprentices. This was obviously because the ten class-A hunters that went to face the gorgons were no longer able to work, and they needed class-A hunters for A-class quests. What’s worse, usually promotions only come so quickly if an urgent quest has popped up.

          “You will set out on this quest in two days.” The leader held up a contract. “If we don’t have any available class-A hunters by then, you two shall go together, accompanied by Fawkes.”

          Two days passed, and no new class-A hunters were available. Melody and Jason were uneasy about the mission, yet relieved that they’d be accompanied by Fawkes. Fawkes was a class-A knight with hero status. He was the second most powerful member of the OCD, after the leader himself.

          The party set out for the destination that morning. The quest was to investigate the activity in the castle of the late lord Jelifern. Jelifern was late for everything, starting from birth. He would nearly miss every occasion. The guests at his funeral panicked when they found his coffin empty, when he showed up two and a half hours late, and he hadn’t even died yet! After a few hours of friends and family telling him to hurry up, he finally died of old age so that they could finish the funeral.

          Since then, monsters began to call the place home, and eventually moved in, because it was silly to call a place home if you don’t live there.

          The party entered a thick forest. After a day’s walk, they made camp. The three sat around a campfire in silence for hours.

          “It seems we’ve forgotten to bring rations.” Jason finally said, but there came no answer. Fawkes then took a pebble from the ground and chucked it into the woods without as much as a grunt. There was a loud thump and a deer’s cry, and then silence.

          “Go and get it.” Fawkes ordered. Jason immediately jumped up and dragged the dead deer into the campsite. They ate the deer and slept, then continued on their journey to the castle. When the castle came into view, the party could see flying monsters circling the roof. The castle was tall and made of rough stone. Shattered windows could be seen along the towers, and it was surrounded by a moat. A drawbridge was the only passage across. Fawkes walked ahead first, towards the drawbridge, but before he could step off the grass, a fiendish pixie snatched his sword and vines wrapped around the three of them.

          A sinister laugh echoed from below. “Well, now,” Said a slow, deep voice, “look what we have… here.” The water started to boil, and from the water emerged a serpent-like creature with two horns atop its head, a pair of bat-like wings, and four legs with talons. It was a dragon.

          The dragon laughed again. “I will let you pass.” He said slowly “If… you can answer my riddle.” At the end of his sentence, he blew flames from his nostrils and sent a smoke ring towards Melody, who coughed.

          “Well, then,” Melody said “what’s your riddle?”

          “What?” the dragon seemed confused. “You’re actually going to try the riddle? You’re not going to try in vain to fight me?” The dragon paused. “Well, that’s new. Hold on for a minute, let me think of a riddle…”

“As many leaves as on a tree,

To free your mind, I am the key,

I live forever, as you’ll find,

so long as humankind can see.”

          Melody thought for a minute, repeating the riddle under her breath. She then said,

“Your riddle is quite simple, foe

As one would only have to look

Inside one’s mind and one will know

That the answer is a book.”

          The dragon looked taken aback. After a moment, he recovered and said, “I was going to kill you whether or not you answered the riddle correctly,” he paused, “but you played the game so well, I will allow you to pass.” He turned around, flicked his tail, and dove into the moat. Just then, the vines released the heroes, and they walked into the castle.

          The inside of the castle was a huge, round, empty room. The walls were made of smooth marble, and the ceiling was open to the sky. In the center of the room was a large, glowing whirlpool in the floor, about ten meters in diameter.

          Fawkes said, “It looks like some sort of portal.”

          “Shall we jump in, then?” Melody replied.

          “Are you both insane? That thing’ll kill us!” said the annoying little brat that’s trying to stop the story from progressing. Fawkes ignored his comment and dove into the center of the portal. Melody pushed Jason in, and then followed.

          The three then found themselves in what used to be a small house, but had burned down. When they emerged from the ruins, they saw many other houses and a great black river flowing between them. The dark water must have been frozen over, as many a great metal beast ran across it. With a battle cry and a swing of his sword, Fawkes slew one. From inside of the beast, came a man. He was dressed in unusual clothing and appeared to be angry.

          He said to Fawkes, “What the fuck, you psycho! You wrecked my fucking car!”

          “I apologize,” Fawkes said calmly, “I did not realize the beast belonged to you.”

          “Sure, buddy,” he said sarcastically, “You go ahead and smash the right one, while I call the fucking police!”

          Fawkes was confused by this statement, as he had heard of police before, but never any of that sort. Finally, he said, “I don’t find that necessary, for I am on a mission, you see, and I have no time for sensual pleasures.”

          The man said “whatever, creep.” And from his trousers, he produced a rectangular object and held it to his ear. “Is this the police?” he asked.

          “No,” replied Fawkes, “I am a knight. However, I recall you saying you’d call some of the ‘fucking’ variety”

          “I’m not talking to you!” snapped the man

          Fawkes turned to his team, “He seems to have gone into a fit of madness. We should leave him.”

          The team walked north, along the river bank, until they found another. The whole place seemed to be riddled with interconnecting black rivers, all frozen over, (despite the warm temperature) and with metal beasts rushing all over them. Eventually, they came across strange metal giants, holding great black ropes above them. They agreed that they’d find the source of the evil if they followed the ropes. Eventually, they came to a tiny village with a great bear statue in the front, and a massive pole with flags. The village was nearly empty of people, but the group found a door with the sound of people’s voices behind it. They peeked through the window to see a group of people, sitting in desks all arranged in a circle. One of them was reading, but the curious part was that the person was describing what was happening currently. The group realized what was happening, they had found the writer of this story, reading it to the writing club, so they left. On their way back, they were captured by the police. Fawkes fought bravely, but was defeated. Jason died for trying to ruin the story and because I just feel like killing him off. Melody lived the rest of her life in that strange land, always trying to find a way back, but always failing. Fawkes was sent to a mental institution, where he learned the ways of this world and eventually was let go. The portal closed forever. The dragon flew to a new land, as his fun had come to an end here.

          No one ever found them, no one ever looked for them, and no one ever cared. The end.