Pens In Unison

 

 

 

 

 

“The legacy of Bob”

 

“You must seek out the wise wizard Mudo and bring back his spell book so that we may save the village from the dragon!” said the young, elven, child to the lanky, pale, adventurer with absolutely no urgency in his voice

            “Eh, I guess I could do that for you, but I want a lot of money in return. Not a reasonable amount, I want like, all of the villages money. Oh, and that woman over there, I’d like her too.” Said the adventurer sounding very exasperated about the whole endeavor. “I shall be off to do this in a few weeks, if I can get to it, I’m very busy with my painting”

            A few weeks passed, two months to be exact, but he didn’t think that the threat to the village was immediate sense the dragon only took a few dozen people in that time. He gathered his trusty paintbrush and canvas to bring with him on this long and arduous journey. Well, he thought it would be a long and arduous journey, but the wizard only lived a few miles away. He thought he should have told that one kid the truth about him never going, but he didn’t think there would be any long term repercussions for the lie. Just as any respectable adventurer has a noble stallion, this one had a rather nice pair of boots for travel. He donned his stained clothes and swept back his short, scraggly, black hair. He was now just about ready to go, but first a drink!

            He stumbled out of the tavern a couple hours later, is stumbling means being thrown out due to throwing up on the barmaid, then yes he stumbled out of the tavern.

            “And stay out! We don’t want a noble adventurer like you in our tavern!” the owner screamed at Bob as he lay sprawled out on the pavement, oh, did I not mention our heroes name was Bob? Well yes his name is bob. Now on with the narrative.

            Well the journey actually turned out to be very long, and very arduous for Bob because he was very, very wasted. He stumbled about drunkenly on his way to the wizards house, or he thought that was the way, but he got hopelessly lost. Night was starting to fall and Bob was terrified of the dark. His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. He looked around and was startled at all of the noises around him, twigs popped, leaves rustled, so he curled up into the fetal position and began to cry. Our hero cried that entire night without stopping or slowing. He cried so hard that he formed a puddle of shame around himself.

            After wallowing in sadness he gathered up his things in the morning and set off again. He arrived at the house of Mudo the great and wise wizard not long after he awoke, because he had happened to fall asleep not 100 feet away from the house. To call it a house would be generous though. It looked like someone had nailed a dozen boards together and threw some cloth on top to make it. There wasn’t even a door, just a hole in the middle big enough to walk through.

            He stepped through the door to find Mudo the wizard sitting at a makeshift table drawing lewd pictures. Mudo was a boy, the same boy from the village to be exact that gave Bob his valiant quest.

            “Aye what’s up Mudo? Whoa man, wait a second, aren’t you that brat that told me to find you?” Said Bob with a look of confusion on his face, well more confusion than usual that is.

            “Why yes, this was a test to prove that you were a great and noble warrior, and you passed the test!” said Mudo with excitement

            “Uh, wait a second. If this was all a test, then why didn’t you just get rid of the dragon yourself if you’re a wizard”

            “………. I hadn’t thought of that.”

            “Well, I think everyone will be fine If we stop it now right? You still have that mystical spell book right”

            “Write spells down? Pah! That is for novices! Let’s go show that dragon what a true wizard can do.”

 

            The valiant warrior Bob, and the wise wizard Mudo traveled to the dragons dwelling. The journey took a couple days and nothing of interest happened during that time. Nothing at all. Bob approached the mouth of the cave in his new, shining, plate mail and a great sword with a ruby encrusted hilt in his hand. Mudo was next to him with his crimson red robes and a great wooden staff that came from the branch of an ancient, living tree.

            They entered the cave together and looked in front of them to see a giant, blue dragon sitting on a relatively small pile of silver and copper pieces. Mudo looked to bob and said “Stand back I’ve got this”

            Mudo stood before the dragon and before the dragon could even speak Mudo began to wave his hands around and started yelling the words to great and powerful spell. Sparks flew between his fingers and a great surge of energy went through his body, and that’s when the dragon ate him. The dragon, bored with these people who came into his house, just bent his head over while Mudo was distracted and swallowed him whole. Bob dropped his weapon in fear and sprinted out of the cave crying once more.

            

 

 

The Legacy of Bob 2- The fair maiden

 

Last time in the Legacy of Bob our hero was running away crying from multiple situations and we witnessed the death of our much loved wizard Mudo. This really sounds like some sort of T.V show opening but who cares! Today’s adventure shall involve Romance! Betrayal! And best of all, Embarrassment!

            After his tactical retreat at the lair of the dragon, Bob spent the following months finding a new place to live, mostly because the town that he lived in was burnt down by dragon fire. It’s a good thing that Bob had no family whatsoever. He wandered about for a long time and finally found a place to stay in a local city by the name of Generic city. He ended up getting a job at the local squad of mercenaries, apparently there wasn’t many people who wanted to enlist for this “Suicide mission”. Bob may not have enlisted either, if he knew what the word suicide meant, he thought it was some kind of exotic fish.

            He was put in with a squad of the greatest warriors this city could find that would do the job for next to nothing. There were four people all together including Bob. First was Phil who looked to be a merchant who was a little hard up on cash, either that or he owed someone for a bad deal, and he insisted on using a claymore that he obviously didn’t know how to use. Second in line was a quiet looking man who wielded a short bow and he always seemed to be staring at you intently whenever you turned to look at him. Bob named that man Disposable Character One, or DCO for short. And last and absolutely the least powerful was a girl with a slender build who went by Mina. Bob thought that she was the weakest because she had no weapons and Bob, being a weapons master of course, thought that to be rather bad for an adventure.

            Their assignment was to go out to this castle and retrieve this princess who has been captured by a dragon and sealed away in the top of a tower. Apparently Bob had never read any books because he found this quest idea to be exciting and new to him.  Bob being the valiant hero he is instantly thought to nominate Mina to lead the way, kind of hoping that she would die before anything could reach him.

            They group traveled for a long way when they reached a fork in the road so Bob picked it up and continued their journey with his new found treasure. Then later along the way the road split into two directions and none of them remembered to ask for a map.  They quarreled for a few minutes over the directions with everyone having their own idiotic reason of why to go which way. That was when they heard a great, loud, thumping sound and the breaking of tree branches. Bob being terrified as usual pissed himself shamefully in fear. The other three mercenaries looked at each other uncertainly and readied their weapons, except for Mina, she just kind of stood their looking bored. A massive ogre came barreling through the woods and into the road. Bob thought this looked like a cool fight scene was going to happen so he got out his paint and began to make a complex painting of the battle, well he thought it was complex but it was just crudely drawn stick men.  The ogre swung his massive club down at the party members and he must have rolled a 20 because he hit Disposable character one right in the head, killing him instantly and splattering blood all over Bob’s painting, which he thought gave it a taste of realism.

            Bob began to get the feeling that this situation was starting to go badly so he gathered up his ruby hilted great sword and fled down the left path with his painting under his other arm. He ran down the path when he saw a shadow flying above him, so Bob ducked and covered and began to cry a little thinking that the ogre had learned how to achieve flight. Then he heard a thump in front of him and a female voice cursing, it was Mina.

            “Hey girl you didn’t tell me you could fly!” said bob accusingly

            “I didn’t fly you dumbass the ogre threw me and because of you leaving he killed everyone else!”

            “Trust me you were better off without me there”

            They talked for a while, Bob attempting to flirt with Mina, and Mina attempting to kill Bob, but they ended up settling their differences by having Bob gagged. It took them quite a bit to reach the tower because of Bob insisting on taking his midafternoon adventurer naps. So after a few months of them getting lost and lost again they stumbled upon a tower, they weren’t sure if this was the correct tower, but it was in fact a tower so they went inside. Oh, did I say they? I meant just Bob. In the months here Mina died in a great and heroic fashion revealing her true powers as being the god of fire, but that’s not very important.

            Bob reached the entrance to the tower and sunlight gleamed off of his solid gold armor that was forged by the angels themselves and he readied his great zwei-hander that shone with great magical power before opening the door.

            The foyer of the tower was pretty lame in Bob’s artistic opinion, nothing matched right, and I mean orange tapestries and pink carpet, ugh so distasteful. Bob went up the stairs to the right and thought that it wasn’t very proper to not great an adventurer in your own lair, but he put those thoughts aside and climbed the stairs until he came to a door leading to the top room of the tower.

            He opened the door to see a great large bedroom. The bed was huge and was made out of the wood of a great oak tree and the finest silk obscured the vision that was inside. A mirror and a desk stood off to the side with what looked like makeup scattered about the desk. That’s when he heard a seductive voice from the bed.

            “So are you the big, strong adventurer that has come to save me from my imprisonment?” 

            “Uh, kind of, I mean I’m an adventurer but not really big nor strong” which was the truest statement Bob had ever said

.               “Oh, I’m sure you’ll do”

            A tall figure came out of the bed and was dressed in a white dress that covered her entire body and a veil that covered all of her face. Bob, being surprised that a woman actually likes him, went right away to kiss the fair maiden like any good adventurer. He was over joyed until he opened his eyes. The fair maiden was not really a maiden at all, but was the face of a dwarf.  Bob looked in surprise and began to make a series of harsh gagging sounds as he backed away from the dwarven man. As Bob backed away he looked over the dwarf to try and see how he had been deceived. It looked as if the dwarf filled his bra with his beard for he was pulling it up out of his dress now and he seemed to have an awkward gait about him and bob discovered he was actually on stilts.

            “What’s wrong you don’t like me?”  said the heavy set dwarven man on stilts with a slight catch to his voice and it looked like he was starting to tear up. “I just wanted someone to love me.”

            “I-Im sorry, you’re a uh very handsome dwarf but I..I just don’t think it would work between us.” Said Bob with confusion

            “Oh..I see.. well can I at least get a hug?” said the dwarven man sounding very disenchanted

            “Yeah, I guess” said Bob as he moved in for the hug

            Bob went in and embraced the dwarf in a long and sensual hug….and that’s when the dwarf revealed himself to be the dragon. The dwarf began to shake and his body began to change into that of a great and powerful red dragon. Bob began to back away in fear from the great beast pressing himself flat up against the door.

            “Hahahaha I see you fell for my trap you fo-..” the dragon started to say but was cut off my Bobs hasty retreat from the room. The dragon heard the shuffling of armor going down the stairs and heavy sobbing as Bob fled from the tower, crying once more.

 

            

The Legacy of Bob 3- The (not really) final adventure

 

The last time we saw our magnificent hero Bob, he was being sexually assaulted by a dwarf on stilts who turned out to actually be the dragon he was meant to slay. Needless to say, our hero was quite frightened at this, so he vowed off adventuring forever…..or so he thought.

Bob was living a quaint life. He had a so-so looking wife named Sarah that he married from one of the towns that five year old boy named Bob Jr who unfortunately looked and acted just like his father. Life was just about average for Bob and that was just how he liked it. No quests, no adventures, and no dwarves on stilts. Well he was pretty sure of that last one at least, he still wasn’t fully convinced his wife wasn’t just a very elaborate ploy by the dragon. That was when his child turned into a dragon.

They were eating dinner when Bob Jr began to eat helping after helping of stew. His appetite seemed endless and his skin began to change into a dark red hue. Bob, being a veteran adventurer and having keen danger senses, continued to eat his stew, oblivious to what was happening.  Bob looked up from his stew to ask his son if he wanted desert, but he the words never escaped his throat. His child’s body was shifting and growing until he became a gigantic red dragon. During the transformation the dragon had destroyed half of Bob’s home and it now looked down at Bob who was currently frozen in place from fear.

The dragon smirked, for this was the first dragon that swallowed Mudo and the same one that had tried to kill him in the tower. “Hahaha, now you have truly fallen for my trap! If you want your wife back you will have to come and finally face me in combat!” The great dragon grabbed Sarah in his talons and took to the air, his wife’s screams fading as the dragon flew off towards a mountain in the distance. Bob was left standing in the house, crying and in the fetal position. Sighing, he got up to discover it was morning, he had cried all through the night.

Bob went into a trunk that he kept under the floorboards. Inside should have rested his solid gold armor of the gods and his magic zwiehander that was once wielded by the archangel himself, but he had sold it recently for painting supplies and salt water taffy. What was actually inside was a small dagger and a leather tunic that he saved for emergencies. He donned the tunic and sheathed the dagger on his side, cutting his hand in the process. He anything he could carry into a backpack and set off towards the mountain.

All through the street people were staring at Bob in horror. Whispers ran through the streets “No, no, I thought he was retired” “Shit, he’s going to get us all killed” “He’s back, we’re doomed.” Bob, focusing on finding a way to the top of a mountain, wasn’t able to hear their insults so he continued down the street thinking the looks were of amazement and awe.

He wandered aimlessly in the forest for hours, because the trail didn’t really have the ambient light he was looking for so took a “shortcut” through the center of the forest so he could get some nice paintings done. To give him some credit he did get a nice painting of a deer done, but just as he was packing up he saw a bright, pink light flicker in the distance. He chased the light deeper and deeper into the forest getting even more lost, and worst of all night was descending and we all know that Bob is terribly afraid of the dark.

Bob lost site of the light as he began debilitated by fear of the darkness around him. He curled up and began to cry, and all of that crap he usually does. Seriously, how many times do I have to write about you crying? I’m getting rather tired of it! But these insults only seemed to make him sob harder and more shamefully, so I guess I’ll just continue. He cried himself to sleep that night, as usual.

Not much of interest happened from the time that Bob woke up to where he was now. Bob now commanded the entire American space fleet and was the captain of the USS Binary Orientated Beast, BOB for short. His armada was in formation, ready to storm the home planet of the great, red dragon that had taken his wife. How this all happened in the course of two days is an incredible tale of luck and adventure, but it’s not really important right now.

A younger lieutenant came running to Bob “Commander! How should be go about attacking?”

“Uh, with lasers right? We still have those?”

“O-Of course we do sir. I, uh, I meant what tactics should we use? How should the formation be split?”

“Right! I knew that. I was just testing you to make sure you knew what you were talking about. Now, uh, lets see here. They’ll be expecting us to have strategic plans and advanced maneuvers right?

“Yes, sir”

Bob looked like he had just gotten the greatest idea of all time. “Then I guess we should just all go at the same time, making sure we are seen before we arrive. They’ll be expecting a sneak attack.”

“But sir, they don’t know we are coming how would they exp-“

“Hey, don’t argue with me! I’m commander aren’t I” Bob asked, half serious.

“Uh, yes, sorry sir” the lieutenant said confused as he ran off to begin preparations

The attack on the dragon home land went terribly, for the dragons had a lot of time to prepare and were enhanced with cyber technology.  They wiped out most of Bob’s fleet in the first few minutes of combat, but his ship managed to get through the fleet of enemies and it crash landed into the tallest mountain in sight. With most, well everyone except the lieutenant and himself dead in the crash, he exited his ship.

He nearly choked to death as he left the safe air of his ship, because he forgot his space helm. Gasping for air he stumbled back into the cabin and clicked the helm on, backwards. Confused and afraid of having gone blind stumbled around the cabin screaming until his Lieutenant put it on the right way.

With his faulty helmet fixed he exited his ship once more. He found himself on the side of a great, tall mountain. The place was so gray and windy, he wondered why anyone would ever choose to live on the top of this. The tower the dragon had was much nicer, and that was saying something. Bob shuddered at the memory of the clashing colors of the place, dragons just have no eye for decorating.

Bob climbed up the mountain alone, because his lieutenant had bumped into him and being very easily scared he had turned and accidently knocked him off the mountain. Anyway, we’ll just say he made it to cave near the top of the mountain.

He stepped into the cave, and pulled out his cyber-torch thing that I really don’t want to explain. Just picture a torch with blue fire and made of metal. The light illuminated the cave pretty well, and it also illuminated the giant red dragon pretty well too.

“Where is my wife you foul beast!”

“Oh, yeah, I ate her”

“What?! I thought you said if I came to face you I’d get her back!”

“Ohhhhh, right. Sorry about that man, but I’m like a big dragon and all. I mean I didn’t know the antagonist is supposed to wait for you to have a chance. My bad.”

“Uh, that’s fine, so do we like fight now or?”

“Yeah, I guess I’ll let you go first”

Bob stepped back and fired a laser at it from his pistol, going the wrong way and blasting him right in the arm. Screaming in pain he dropped the pistol to the ground and began to rock himself back and forth crying. After a few minutes of wallowing in pain and the dragon snickering to himself Bob got back up and gave another shot at the dragon. This time he managed to get lucky and the shot hit into the dragons chest, leaving a large cut.

The dragon reared back in pain “OW, WHAT THE HELL MAN. THAT HURT. AHHH! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO SOMEONE!?” The dragon was furious and it unleashed a swathe of fire right at Bob. The fire hit into him, but his armor saved him from the brunt of the damage but was also disintegrated in the blast, leaving him completely nude.

The dragon fell on its side in a great bout of laughter. All the other dragons swooped down and pointed at Bob, laughing. Gasping for air at the lack of his helmet, Bob shamefully ran back to his ship and got into the escape pod, crying once more. 

 

 

 

Eldest end of novel continuation

 

 

That last collision drove the remaining air clean out of Eragon’s lungs. Stunned, he lay curled on his side, gasping and struggling to regain a semblance of control over his unresponsive limbs.

Eragon! Cried Saphira

“I-I’m fine, just…have.. to get up” Eragon thought back

“Hurry, I won’t make it to you in time! Why did I ever let you out of my sight? Always getting yourself into trouble. You need to be more careful” Saphira scolded back

Eragon fought against the soreness and pain in his limbs, finally managing to get to his feet. He grasped the hilt of his sword, steadying the blade out in front of himself with a look of determination as the Lethrblaka landed in the center of the cavern. The creature spread its hideous black wings out and let out an ear-piercing shriek as it charged towards Eragon.

The beast, knowing he was weak began to circle him, biting out with its monstrous beak and retreating in an attempt to wear him out. Eragon slashed and stabbed out at it, but soon found it to be in vain as it jumped back just before the blow would land. The Lethrblaka, seeing its plan was working grew bold and moved in close, slashing out with its wicked claws, catching Eragon across his sword arm. He cried out in pain, but used the opportunity to get a strike off of his own which cut clean through half on the beast’s left wing, making it utter its own scream of inarticulate rage.

In it’s fury it rushed towards Eragon and began to slash, peck, and stab at him in rage. He managed to deftly block the first volley of attacks, but soon found himself overwhelmed as the beast stamina seemed endless for its attacks only grew quicker. Eragon backed away trying to avoid the brunt of the attacks, but found himself being knocked back from a solid blow to the chest. The air fled from his lungs and he fell back against the rock wall of the cavern, he was out of room to retreat. Trying desperately to regain his breath he looked up to see the beady, black eyes of the creature staring into his own. With a load shriek that sent Eragon’s ears ringing the Lethrblaka struck out at his throat with its beak.

Eragon, seeing the incoming blow, ducked and jumped past the Lethrblaka as its beak shattered against the stone wall. Blood poured from the wound, matting it’s feathered body. It attempted to cry out, but the blood prevented any sound from escaping, instead sending more blood gushing out. It spun about and charged Eragon once again, trying to take him down with it. Eragon stood his ground and at the last moment sidestepped the attack and brought his sword in a rising arc against its chest. The force of the strike sent the monster falling to the ground. He walked over to the Lethrblaka and with one swift movement plunged the blade into the creatures’ skull, taking its life. 

 

Black Manta Rays

 

A teenage boy sat out on a pier overlooking the ocean. The pier was newly made and provided access for the ships off to the north, which were visible from the coastline. Their sails billowed out in the wind and he watched in childlike wonder as they danced upon the water’s surface, going off towards the islands. He stood up to get a better view of the island, grasping the wooden handrail to the side to boost himself up, and looked out towards the islands once more.

            The sun was high in the sky with no clouds impeding its rays, yet it was strangely cool. The boy looked down at the ocean and saw the reflection of the sun rock back and forth as waves distorted the image. A gust of wind coming off the ocean sent his almond brown hair to get in his eyes.  He smiled and pushed his hair out of his face with the back of his hand. He took a deep breath of the ocean air and let it out in a sigh.

            That’s when he saw them, the manta rays. He remembered reading about them in school, but never anything like this, in fact nobody had ever seen anything like these creatures. The sun was blotted out by a giant, black figure in the sky. It swooped down and glided on what looked like wings, but were actually humungous flippers. The manta ray was as black as obsidian and its eyes were as blue as the oceans waters. The giant ray flew down close enough to the water to send giant waves out form where the tip of its fin touched, causing some ships to sway erratically and one looked to have capsized. As the waves reached the shore, they pummeled the rocks below and threatened to rise up above the pier.

            Startled and confused, the boy backed away from the edge of the pier and stared out at the creature in amazement. It made no sounds as it glided above the water, and its gaze seemed fixed on the islands ahead. Slowly, its mouth opened, and opened, and opened until it was unfathomably large.  The rays gaping maw met the island and the island disappeared into its mouth. The ray closed its mouth and rose back up into the sky, leaving nothing to discern that an island was even there to begin with. It rose higher and higher into the sky and was eventually lost to the boy’s vision.